Generation Ugg

Since when did these become fashionable?  Which retarded ‘A Lister’ do we need to stab in the fucking eyes with safety pins?

Please tell me.  I’ll track them down and make sure they can’t see again.

There isn’t a day that goes past when I don’t see at least 50 people wearing these so-called ‘boots.’  Ok, so people are bound to have the same footwear from time to time, but none are so identifiable than the Uggs.  Why would you pay £80 or even £200 for them?  If I’m spending that much on something, I would hope not to see someone else with my item for at least a week or two, or even never!

They make your feet look 5 sizes bigger than they are, thus making my feet look an even more ridonkulous size 15.

By default you become shorter, not to mention stumpy looking.  You may get away with it if you’re 7ft tall, but think about generously proportioned wearer… Oompa Loompa doompadah dee, if you are wise you’ll listen to me…

Is it the worst kept secret that all people who wear Ugg boots drag their feet? PICK YOUR FEET UP!

I’m not stupid, but I’m sure they are designed for indoor use, so why wear them outside in the rain?

I swear it’s only a matter of time before I edge past the yellow line on the platform and jump*

My final gripe refers to a disease called ‘collapsed heel’ syndrome. Apparently it’s only the fakes that suffer.  I’m 84% sure that I’ve seen genuine Ugg boots affected by CHS, but I could be wrong and I’m sure someone will correct me. Let me take a deep breath first…in……………………..and out……………………..

Am I the only person out there that believes all people who wear broken Ugg boots, real or fake, need pushing in front of an oncoming train? If they look hideous new, they look far worse after the minutes, hours and days of human abuse.  I’ve seen one pair where the heel was so collapsed that the lady’s ankles looked detached from her fibula.

How do they get past their mirror in the morning?  Do they stand there and say,  “Wow, these broken Uggs are looking great.”  What about their boyfriends? You have a responsibility to tell your lady NOT to wear such boots, or you may have to, push them in front…

So, the next time you see someone wearing broken Ugg boots, fake or real, hold back. Don’t push them in front of the oncoming train, however tempting. Just slap them in the back of the head, HARD.  Then throw the offending boots a look of contempt (whilst being extra careful not to drag your own feet) as you walk past.

Almost forgot to mention!

MEN SHOULD NEVER EVER BE SEEN IN UGG BOOTS!  NOT EVEN GAY MEN CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!  FACT.

5 comments on “Generation Ugg

  1. BitchBaguette
    January 14, 2010 at 11:50 am #

    While I could never wear a pair of Uggs myself (they don’t co-ordinate well with my napkin), I can see the appeal:

    They keep you nice and warm – I personally love being lightly toasted on one side.

    They are most commonly seen in a fawn colour – a beautiful golden shade not dissimilar to that of a freshly baked loaf.

    They make your feet look a foot long – always a desirable length, just ask Subway.

    They are light and fluffy on the inside – as should be the perfect croissant. Every time.

    Maybe you should be questioning your own footwear Bitchbag. I’m sure you will find they don’t offer half the benefits of the Ugg range.

  2. Bitchbag
    January 17, 2010 at 8:15 pm #

    Stale baguette.

  3. englishcrumpett
    January 18, 2010 at 5:02 pm #

    What I don’t get about Ugg boots is that despite being made out of stifling sheep skin, they are worn all year round. Why in mid July would you want to put on a pair of these Uggly boots on?! Are your feet cold? Even Jason knows it’s a bad idea

  4. checkmark115
    February 2, 2010 at 10:54 pm #

    I agree with OP on EVERY SINGLE account. nuff said.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Clogs are NOT cool. « Bitchbag - March 16, 2010

    […] think I hate them more than Ugg Boots.  I hope they don’t become as popular; it maybe time to invest in a rifle to shoot at the ankles […]

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